Well Hello There...

Well, this is...scary! As I've decided to start this, I've been facing a lot of questions. Why this? Why now? What for? The only rational answer I can really think of is because it is time!

I love sharing my ideas and what comes with them. I won't lie when I say that some of my friends have been quick to say, "Oh, Annie, when are you going to start your blog already?" As much as I have polluted my Instagram story with the occasional motivational quote and aesthetically pleasing post, I have always been the first to be hesitant to open this new door into the ibis of social media. The only answer that I can come to in regarding this is that it was honestly scary to me and that the chance of failure was quite high.

I have always been the first to admit that I am one who really struggles with uncertainty in my life. So, I guess there was no better timing for a pandemic to bring the world to a halt -- in a time where I was just hoping to pull my life together and really decide what I wanted to do with it. I've spent this time doing a lot of reflecting, whether it has been willingly or not. Through that, I have concluded that I have to stop letting the pressures, which, honestly, I put on myself, stop me from doing what I enjoy most.

If there is one thing that COVID-19 has taught me, it is to enjoy the simple things and small pleasures in life. I still feel like I'm recovering from the whiplash caused by the sudden stop of life earlier this year when the pandemic hit. As a college student, you're always told that those four years are some of the best of your life. When I tell you that packing up and leaving my beautiful roommates, friends, and school behind was one of the biggest forms of heartbreak that I have experienced yet...I am not lying. I still really don't know if I have come to terms with the shock of it, and I don't know if I ever indeed will.

Right when I finally felt the gratitude that I needed to take in each and every moment -- the opportunity was gone.

I was honest with myself, and in turn, I will be honest when I say that I grieved for a while. For the lost foggy nights, the missed classes with my amazing professors and peers, for not seeing the trees blossom around campus, and for the glasses of wine that were meant to be drunk with my amazing roomies at the end of those lengthy and hard days when you felt like you could barely keep moving.

However, I quickly began to realize that the change of pace was necessary for where I was in my life, as painful as it may have been. It was the first time my whole family had been under one roof for a long of time since I left for college. I began to realize that fractures began to be mended and my family began to become one again after a long period of being torn apart through common adversaries that came with time and, more simply, growing up. A lot of things that I had pushed down for years began to bubble to the top, and I was left with no other choice but to face it. So, in a way, I am thankful for this. As much as it is hard for me to admit it, I know that ten years from now, I will look back at this time and see that it really saved me from no one else but myself.

Although COVID-19 has taken so much from me, one thing that it gave me back to me was my family, and in a way, my true self.

I think that if there is one thing that has been revealed in these past few months, it has been the unequivocal truth of how simple life is when you decide to truly focus on it for what it is. Breathing air in and out of your lungs. Your heart is beating pump after pump. Opening your eyes to see the movement around you. And most importantly, appreciating every ounce of it.

We live in a world now where a perfectly healthy soul can be taken from us and, in turn, we are left to question what life is really about if something so simple can disappear so quickly. So...why sweat the small stuff when there is such a world out there for us to see?

Sometimes when the smallest, most habitual things are taken from us, we learn to really appreciate what we had when we had it. Life will never be the same. That's for sure. However, who is to say that life has not changed for the better? With a newfound appreciation and sense of grit, the boundaries are endless. Every breath a new sense of meaning. Every heartbeat, every sight to be seen. Every moment is offering a new and unique opportunity much different from the last.

I cannot wait to freely embrace the ones I love again. I cannot wait to hear the roar that comes as the first chord of the concert is strummed. I cannot wait to have things to look forward to again. I cannot wait to not have to cover my face each and every time I leave the house. I cannot wait to not be overcome with anxiety each and every time I step out into the world. But...if there is one thing that I have learned over these trying times, it is that I do have the power to wait and wait, I will.

So, getting back to the basics and answering the question "why this?" and "why now?," my answer is...why the hell not?

So join the ride, and let's all figure this out...together!